PICU: What a Visit Taught Me About Polytheism, Prayer & Pragmatism

PICU: looks like a party, but it's not.

PICU: A pediatric intensive care unit (also paediatric), usually abbreviated to PICU (pron.: /ˈpɪkjuː/), is an area within a hospital specializing in the care of critically ill infants, children, and teenagers. A PICU is typically directed by one or more pediatric intensivists or PICU consultants^[1] and staffed by doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists who are specially trained and experienced in pediatric intensive care. -- Wikipedia

Just over a week ago today we were unaware that we would be admitting the Changeling to the PICU for treatment of what would much later be diagnosed as "staphylococcal scalded skin syndrome" (SSSS). When you have SSSS, your skin splits open & sloughs off at the slightest graze of a fingernail or the tug of a band-aid. Rashes bloom, blacken & fall from your body. The entire surface of your being is red, enraged, blistering, on fire, like that of an overeager prom-goer who took too much time at the tanning salon. 

Staphylococcus aureus (in stain): looks pretty, but it's not.
Image courtesy Wikipedia.

All this thanks to a little critter called S. aureus who, if introduced deeply enough into the body, will release exotoxins which cause detachment within the epidermal layer. This skin-sloughing bacteria is a relatively rare breed in the staph family. But still, it is staph & staph is everywhere in this beautifully complex & dangerous world of ours. Once again, no one is special.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, we have already had a very lengthy round with the NICU environment, so we have acquired a solid battery of ICU coping skills. This was not new territory. In fact, the familiarity of it might have been the most immediately traumatizing aspect of our visit. Awash in fluorescent lighting, the smells & sounds of the PICU brought back that little bit of PTSD that I carefully packed away with the hopes of never revisiting. I had to grab my swooning, crumpling, tear-welling self by the horns & say: "Do or die. This is survival time, sister. You know this place. Make-it-work." Less than an ounce of grief, followed by days of make-it-work. 

Setting our Selves aside. Making it work. We do these things because we must. We do these things for Love.

What struck me very clearly the first night while gingerly curled around the Changeling in his bubble-bed was that my personal gods & collaborative spirits aren't so befitting to the crisis situation. I have actually run upon this before, but perhaps I was never lucid enough to see it for what it is. I also think this is where I have always had a wee bit of ambivalence with the whole "prayer" concept. (Yes, I am aware of the irony of this blog's title.) 

Unpopular as it is, I consider myself a polytheist of the more Parmesan variety (as opposed to say, Ricotta). In practice, there have been many times when I would have qualified as henotheistic or perhaps more accurately, kathenotheistic, except that I am never a complete purist or ever entirely exclusive & animism muddles things, so I suppose even in this, I qualify as an In-Between (once again). Lunar & Solar devotions are my most concrete, consistent & ritualized practice, but the Moon & Sun -- as I recognize Them -- are not "gods" per se, but venerable, life-weaving & live-giving beings with corporeal forms. That's animism, as I see it. The gods proper are (generally) incorporeal spiritual entities who carry with Them their own set of skills, interests, personality & agendas. That's polytheism, as I see it. Of course, it's complicated.

"Morpheus" by alexmartinez of deviantART

The pitfall of polytheism within my ICU-prone world is that the small handful of deities with whom I have a regular (or oftentimes irregular) relationship (but generally over many, many years) don't fall into the dulcet, pray-to, caretaker model. There are also no interventionists on my call list. Most of Them came to me in some strange, unexpected & abrupt fashion, while couple of Them I petitioned, stalked, flagged down or otherwise pursued myself. Regardless of how we came into relationship, none of Them are particularly apposite, at least in a conventional way, in an ICU. Oh, & I don't just go barking at gods I don't know when I suddenly need Them. So, how do we make-it-work?

Apparently I know by instinct. Once the situation settled, like an automaton I contacted the outside world asking for 'petitions, prayers, energy, good vibes, hoodoo, magick, whatever works...' I did this knowing that we would end up on my popular Christian-mystery author aunt's twitter prayer chain. I did this knowing that we would end up in multiple LDS prayer pools. I did this knowing that Wiccans would work us into their workings. I knew my mom would be exercising her Will (Thelemite? Must be something about psychiatrists). I knew that the Catholic, Druid, Jewish, Buddhist, Methodist, Atheist, Born-Again, Humanist folks & all those "Others" that comprise our friend & family network would be giving it their best go, in whatever fashion suits them. And really, if those people have a rapport with an interventionist sky-god like Adonai or JC or a mother-goddess like Toci or Brighid & they want to pray on our behalf, why should I object? Just make-it-work.

Even the 8:00 am prayer over the hospital PA system each morning was making-it-work. Never having stayed in a Catholic hospital before, the first day I awoke to the prayer, dazed & baffled. The priest's deep baritone & thick Spanish accent filtered through the isolation doors in a mostly unintelligible blur of voice, but I took it... & maybe even looked forward to it... a little bit. It came from Love. Make-it-work. 

/begin digression: This amuses me. When I was young & "fundamentalist" I would have balked at the idea -- I always found it offensive when someone else was praying or petitioning for my wellbeing because I interpreted their actions as a surreptitious attempt to impose their belief system upon me... somehow. I believe that inflexible, resistant, exclusive attitude stemmed from a defensive insecurity. Nowadays, I don't find discomfort in the well-intentioned spiritual efforts of others. As long as it comes from Love, I take it. I must be more secure, or getting older, or maybe I am just indiscriminate or something... /end digression

"Female Satyr with House, Child and a Putto" by Giovanni Battista Tiepolo.
My mind's eye vision of Fauna (& quite possibly my ideal body image too).
Image from the Norton Simon Museum.

But enough of other people's gods. After sending out the "Pragmatic Pagan's" smoke signals, I scrunched up, helpless & despondent in that tiny bed -- all the while remaining ever vigilant not to break any more skin on my little baby -- & I talked to my gods. Well, some of Them anyway.

I talked to Morpheus & I asked Him to use His pull with His Oneiroi brothers to give our tiny morphine-filled creature the peaceful, reparative sleep he needed in order to mend his devastated body. I talked to Fauna & Faunus & I said, something like, "I know You are not creatures of these hospital-places. You are creatures of the forests & wild places... We are too. My children are Your children & I want to make sure I can take them back into the bogs & the woodlands & the high deserts & teach them the secrets hidden there. Please, if You find any joy in the beauty of a babe reveling in Your sylvan secrets, if You have any strings to pull, please, please pull them. For him, for us." Then, maybe I asked Thoth (Tahuti, if you prefer) to give the still struggling-to-definitively-diagnose medical staff a leg up as I passed out from exhaustion, but honestly I cannot remember...

Oh, & I talked to the Moon of course. That Lady, our measured guide, the Gradual One. She Who Makes Change by Degrees. I thanked her. Because by then, Her work was already done.

Please do not mistake my words as dismissive of Those that I carry close to my heart, Those I whisper to in the greenwoods & in the Darkness. Theirs are among the greatest of gifts, but so much of that world is left unshared. Mostly, that world is about me. Absolutely none of this situation could be about me. It needed to be 100% about making-it-work.


Setting our Selves aside. Making it work. We do these things because we must. We do these things for Love.

Sometimes this means pragmatism over purism. The Who & the How is irrelevant. When it comes down to it, all that matters to me as a mother, lover, partner is that it works & that Love, something so Good & so big is allowed to triumph over the selfish smalls; like bacteria... & egos. 

Going home.
We made it work.
All of us, together.

Like a Moth to the Misfits, or, Finding My "In Betweens"

Already two months in your presence my friends... such an unexpected gift.

I have become very fond of & comfortable with our little local Thelemic "study group." I find myself looking forward to our meetings for many days beforehand -- it has become my respite from a weekly grind which I keep thinking will come to a halt, but still refuses to relent. For several weeks I have been wondering about how & why, in the spiritual shakedown, I would wind up with the Thelemites. After all, my relationship with Mr. Crowley has always been simultaneously ambivalent & appreciative. Most certainly his approach to spiritual engagement was a far cry from huffing duff in some damp forest... 

Members of the local O.T.O. encampment sometimes join us, but last night none of them attended. This allowed for an openness & freedom of personal expression which is quelled in their presence. (This occurs, I believe, out of respect for visitors who are not privy to our personal lives & politics -- an effort not to bore them -- not because they are intolerant guests or because we we fear candid conversation.) In their absence, we talked at length, without pause, without awkward silences, without splintering into side conversations, winding freely in & out of overtly Thelemic themes into other subjects, brushing upon more personal matters & community matters...

We talked about Thelema.
We talked about rites, rituals, ceremony-ing & common vs. individual religious experience.
We talked about understanding & misunderstanding.
We talked about pan-pagn politics & the woes thereof.

We talked about language & the language of symbols, both shared & strange.

We talked about pasts & futures & common stories.
We talked about wanting to belong, but refusing to compromise ourselves in order to do so.

We talked about values & wants & needs & dreams & how virtually none of us gets what we really want.

We talked about how in this big, little Alaskan community each of us is really quite alone...

I realized something about this group; we are the community's misfits (not all of them, of course), the in-betweens. A crew comprised of bookworms, butterflies, dedicants & dirt monkeys, none of us "practice" in the same manner. We do not share a common spiritual tradition & we vary greatly in the degree to which our worldviews overlap. Yet, with uncommon consistency we continue to aggregate & bond. Moths spiraling between the flames, in the Darkness, among the Stars, amid the Everything & the Nothing. 

Before last night, I assumed that our shared appreciation for the Law of Thelema was the binding agent; the glue that held us together & gave us a common language. Now, I think there is something more that unites us, something beyond & in addition to, Thelema. I cannot yet articulate it. It might be a mysterious, organic, complicated commonality of something or, it could be as raw & basic as loneliness... or perhaps a simple answer lies with Rudolph & his dentist friend.

Regardless of the glue's composition, I am so very thankful to fly among these people.

For the Files: Autumn Equinox, Community Style

Freyja, by Arthur Rackham
image courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Below is a much abbreviated documentation of our community Autumn Equinox rite. For the files.

Our community Autumn Equinox was celebrated in the Norse tradition of Hausblot, or Fallfest. I attended alone, much to my discomfort, but this particular celebration was not developed/adapted for children & my familiarity with these rites told me that the presence of our children would not be in keeping with the intent of this event. I knew however, despite my conflicting feelings, that of any & all the celebrations hosted by our pan-pagan family, this would be the one which would most speak to me personally.

My pagan roots were set among the Ásatrúar -- their rites are familiar, stirring, honest & potent. It has sometimes mystified me how I never came to embrace Norse Heathenry, but when I examine things fairly, I know that while their values, rites, lifeways & traditions draw me, their cosmology & more importantly, their gods do not. 

The event was planned & coordinated by our community's sole Norse devotee. It began with a blót* in honour of Odin, followed by a wonderful, warm feast. In certain regards, the blót seemed more formal & involved than the blóts-of-yore, but I think some of this is due to selective memory, while some of it is probably because this event was developed for a diverse & public audience. It seems to me my friends-of-yore were much louder too... in fact, I am sure of that, but we were a great deal younger then, a bit more rowdy & much more vociferous. Regardless of how memory matches reality, I must give kudos to Shanley for an artfully developed rite & in particular, for his verse & how he represented our house fires in this ritual. It was very beautiful, symbolically & literally. 

There was some song practice following the feast & we were blessed to have our talented & multilingual songstress sing the verses of Herr Mannelig for us so that we might only struggle with the refrain. I had the luck of being seated beside her & I had one of those moments of utter awe & appreciation for the gifts of our human faculties... the gifts of community too. 

A sumbel* followed feasting & song practice. This was a long rite, lasting nine rounds & two, maybe closer to three hours (not the longest in Heathen history, I am certain!) before we needed to end -- possibly prematurely for some -- due to time & other commitments. There is little I can share about what transpired. All speech in sumbel is sacred speech & it is not my place to repeat it.

I went to this event knowing that I would need to address my outstanding debt to Freyja. I decided to bring some of my apple seeds & restate my oath. I also wanted to read a poem in Her honour -- on behalf of myself & Heather Awen -- so I made certain that this would be in keeping with our host's intentions for the sumbel. It was an honour both to publicly extol Her before my tribe & to represent the voice of someone who has given me a great deal of inspiration. 

I chose a poem written by Hoen Falker of the Visigoth Tradition, Clan Falker & translated by Solange Stanquini. English is obviously not the first language of the author, nor do I believe it is that of the translator, so the poem has some translational idiosyncrasies. However, I found it so beautiful, so moving, that I chose to use it despite a few uncertain lines. I made a handful of small adjustments to assists the flow, but otherwise the poem is as I found it here: Chant to Freyja. My thanks to the author for such a sincere, emotive piece. 

Hail Freyja!

Poem in Honour of Freyja by Hoen Falker

Oh, loved goddess of Elfos, Humans & Valquiras,
that in the starry night,
reigns with replete kindness!
At the thresholds of the world
dressed of hawk
You overstep
giving a present with talents
the treasures where You pass through!
In the shining lands & meadows of the whole people,
celestial fire
it's her glance at rest.
Prostrated, to You I offer
amber & flowers,
tears & laughter.
For my Lady,
the clamours.
Show us,
the human homes in Your mesh.
Mounted on Her high boar,
She helps in the battles.
Your illuminated face in the winds of the heights
for who the fire,
front to the ice,
is like softness.
She is Lady,
of felines & hawks.
My ancestral Ones live close to You.
The half of my songs,
I offer to You.
Oh! Glorious!!
To You I offer
a burning fire of memory.
You are goddess Freyja,
of the Vanires,
the most beautiful woman!
The arches of Your eyes
like wings of swans.
A star.
Your eyes are sunny emerald seas.
Your red mouth is our blood on contemplated snow.
When falls the afternoon,
You become an invisible shine,
for Your destroyed lovers.
To choose,
for You my more beautiful desires,
I will order for the enchantments
intoning rage
& I will see then of the lonely death.
I will wake up.
It will be Your smiling
with all your beloved damsels...
The discovery of your forests
will bring the rain
& to my inert, cold body,
the life will return.

* There are many sources for information regarding the rites & traditions of the Ásatrúar, most of which I am sure are quite excellent. I chose Raven Kindred Online because it actually represents the spirit of my pagan family "of yore." Its authors were among my people & their ways were how I came to understand Ásatrú. You can find the rest of them (almost) at Raven Kindred North.

For OWG. When The Dots Continue to Connect...

...I become less & less convinced that coincidence is a common occurrence.

I arrived home from an early morning appointment with Dr. Specialist (Funny how one moment the sky is falling, then next, not so much.). I was thinking about these people, so I stole a moment to scroll through my reading list to see what I will be missing today. I stop short when I see this guy:

Bryan Perrin of Our Whole Grove.

My dear friend, I didn't know you were such a rockstar.*

I must recommend the article that accompanies this image (especially to the Druids in my neighborhood). Heather Awen's words today actually got me to pin down The Changeling long enough to read the entire thing. Most of her sentiments have been stated before in her blog, but today she puts it all together very succinctly, condensing & clarifying her thoughts -- many of which I share. Ha, now I understand why.

Adventures in Animism: How to Make Ancestral & Bioregional Religions ReUnite

Now, pin down your distractions & go read... the whole thing.


*Not that I am surprised.

All Those Paganisms. Whew! What Clarity!

Just a quickie because I have been wallowing working in on a bit about patron deities which is to serve as a response to a couple of friends & their patron-related pondering, but, it is taking me much time & I have so little.

Tangentiality is my nature & procrastination my forté. Thus, in lieu of working on that post, I am opting to make mention of a most clarifying article I discovered via Aedicula Antinoi: A Small Shrine of Antinous. The piece is The Three (or more?) “Centers” of Paganism & can be found over at The Allergic Pagan. Basically, this article synthesized years of thought for me -- I have always grappled with these ideas, but could never put my finger on them quite this concisely.


Here's a visual breakdown of the "Three Centers of Paganism," but I highly, strongly, no, must insist that you read his explanation of these centers & what they represent.

Three Centers of Paganism by The Allergic Pagan.

I have always had a really difficult time articulating exactly what makes all the diverse & disparate Pagan groups/belief systems so very different from one another. Sometimes I feel like we're not even using the same definitions for common words. Probably because we are not. Yet we share this umbrella. What to do? In my community, I have witnessed plenty of misunderstandings related to precisely these concepts -- everyone using the "Pagan" label yet occupying dissimilar locations within these spheres. If nothing else, having a common point of reference might help us communicate better.


On a personal note, I was taken quite by surprise when the author zeroed in on my particular location within those circles:

"Some more literalist forms of animism, which might be called “spirit-centered”, might overlap with both earth-centered and deity-centered Paganism." (emphasis mine)

Oh! I do! Really, I do! All of this helped me better understand why I often feel like an anomaly. It also clarified much of why I could never completely embrace (most) Wiccan belief systems. When I finished reading, I felt like my head was finally screwed on straight... & perhaps I am not alone...


"Literalist animism." (Hooray! New nomenclature!) Whoah, really? That's me! So I'm not the only one?

Sciento-Paganism, Entry 3: Deep or Nominal?

Questions & Her deepest Mysteries. Isn't that what spiritual journey is all about? 

I wandered across a blog this past week wherein the author discussed her search for a "path." She had many questions. She was uncertain about what her "path" should be. Should she be a Druid? A Wiccan? A Heathen? What? She had concerns about "mixing paths," she was looking for the "ONE." So many questions... 

Good, I thought. 

But then I read the comments section & found a statement akin to (but not exactly, lest I offend), 'when you find peace of mind & are no longer asking questions you will know you have found the "ONE."' This made my skin crawl. But that was my skin, not the commenters. Perhaps her skin is ok with complacency. Perhaps her skin dislikes the noise of a mind filled with questions.

This morning the folks at Scarlet Imprint released part of an interview with Nemeton (I confess I am unfamiliar with this personage) which is to be released in the February edition of The Cauldron. This part of the interview is titled: Question 13 - The Future of Paganism. Scarlet Imprint's purpose for republishing this segment is because they are hopping mad about some redacted text, but I was more engrossed in their general message & the essence of Nemeton's answer to Question 13:

"Paganism and witchcraft should be seething with green fire in the face of the ecological collapse...  

We need to embrace a Deep Paganism, a Deep Witchcraft in the same way that we need to embrace a Deep Ecology...

This is something that we need to be united about, regardless of the other petty struggles that can dominate the Craft. It does not matter a damn who owns the real estate of what is or isn't traditional, or who initiated who, or what survived, if the planet itself is dead. We are in an ecological end game and it is time to take sides on this greater issue. 

Witchcraft needs to rediscover its radical heritage and with urgency."   

 Ooooh... good stuff. Really good stuff. But it gets better.

In his response, Nemeton references an article in The Pomegranate: The International Journal of Pagan Studies (a peer-reviewed journal of Pagan studies) in which the author Michael York describes two kinds of Paganism: "deep or natural paganism" & "nominal or blind Paganism." His description of Deep paganism is:

“Humanity’s spontaneous response to Nature, the world around us and our unaffected sense of the animistic or numinous... this primordial paganism is atavistic and as such I am calling it root religion, the root of religion, the root of all religions.”

I must infer then, that "nominal or blind Paganism" refers, at least in part, to the folks who find a how-to book or perhaps a guru & then settle in with the "one," walking it without question, without seeking for more, without going deep into the Mysteries -- the folks who seek a "path" so that they no longer have to be bothered with questions. 

I personally prefer to ask questions, grapple with doubt, get dirty digging for that precious root deep in the belly of Mama Nature.

I mentioned in Sciento-Paganism, Entry I: The Mystery of Relationship that I have been reading a peculiar book on dreamwork. This book mystifies me. Is Mr. Kaplan Williams really actually discussing dreamwork? I am suspecting as I read ever-onward that his subtext is significantly more existential. He expresses my recent thoughts on the nature of questions & the Mysteries so precisely, so succinctly:

"Give the person questions, not answers...

When we truly ask a question we are admitting we do not have an answer. How many of us are willing to get down off the throne of authority and humble ourselves before the mystery? 

My life is my answer. Your opinion is not the answer for anything. I will accept your questions if they evoke the search for truth in me..."  (emphasis mine)

In the spirit of Mr. William's words, I leave you with this, a question: Does your "path" provide you with questions? Questions that kindle the search for truth in you? 

Question Onward.

Sciento-Paganism, Entry 2: In Between

It might have been the startling realizations generated by a chain of books beginning with Ronald Hutton's Triumph of the Moon, spiraling me through Aidan Kelly's Crafting the Art of Magic & landing me in the lap of Chas S. Clifton's Her Hidden Children, but I don't think so. Perhaps I was brainwashed into habitual skepticism by my astute, fact-checking Ásatrúar friends: envision baby-Pagan me enthusiastically waving a D. J. Conway book, hear the response, "Um... yeah... don't believe everything you read, especially in that." Perhaps it is my lack of formal training compounded with my scientific upbringing, or my obsession with reading source materials to the exclusion of anything recently published, or maybe it was the many years in isolation...  Whatever the reason, I have always been something of a Spiritual In-Between & unaware I was in such good company.

This is not for lack of want of a formal "path." I longed to have inherited a Fam-Trad, ala Elizabeth Pepper or Paul Huson. Theirs is the only brand of "formal" Pagan tradition (I use that loosely) that fully appeals to me. Alas, the grandmother story eludes me & perhaps that is just as well because if I had been raised in a Fam-Trad, I would probably would have been questioning it all along & still questioning it right now. There is no Pagan tradition/path of which I am aware, that works for me as a package deal. 

I thought I was alone in this because so many people assert their wholehearted allegiance to this-or-that & the voices of the irresolute eluded me. But then I re-discovered the internet. This In-Between-ness (a term I borrow from Teo Bishop) is rife: 

"But then, I’m standing in the kitchen with my friend, who’s not a Wiccan, thinking that Wiccan theology makes a lot of sense, just as parts of ADF Druidism make a lot of sense, and OBOD philosophy makes a lot of sense, and I come face to face with the awareness that it all makes sense, a little." -- from, Holy Crap… I think I may be a Wiccan

"I was talking to a friend about spiritual nomads... studying & trying to settle on one path vs. delving into multiple spiritual paths, creating your own, strictly following one or trying to mold one to fit into your ideal... How can I honor all sides of my spirituality?
...Druidry does satisfy me... mostly. The rituals, the Kindreds and 3 Realms, the community aspect....they all make sense. But where does my Goddess, that integral Divine Feminine energy in Nature, fit into my Druidry?" -- from Amazon Druidry

"My witchery is more mine that it has ever been. I’ve defined it by adding to my knowledge, making changes to my magic, and at times excluding bits that don’t work for me... I am no longer the girl who listened in front of a library counter more than twenty years ago. I am a Witch who loves diversity, balance, growth…" -- from Bruja de Luz and Darkness, Too

"My biggest problem is that I seem to have a problem with walking multiple paths... I’m seeing path multiplicity becoming more the norm now anyway... In the end I still find little difference... What I want is a life lived in ritual, surrounded by the whisperings of the spirits who have always been there since time began, to bask in the comforting presence of my gods, and live a life suffused with spirit." -- from Becoming Whole: Reconciling Multiple Paths 

"Spirituality is an ever-evolving thing, and while some folk can do that within the structure of one religion... some of us always have a weather eye on the horizon.  We learn a bit here, and a bit there, and gather tools and souvenirs from every tradition we visit, but ultimately we prefer to keep on walking and do our own thing...  I found that, when I could no longer reasonably call myself Wiccan, I was sort of floating in the Sea of Muddled Eclecticism, and I had to tread water for quite a while." -- from Becoming a Spiritual Nomad

"Basically I was not happy with any one label, but when I would simplify it to Magician, or Witch, I would be met with questions about what lineage or Order I belong to... a large part of my calling in magic is based on my ability to see the common threads (and stark differences) between traditions, and also to see what lies behind them – that eternal stream from which all expressions of magic emerge as bubble from. Every time I tried to stick to one stream, I feel like I am betraying the deepest part of my soul." -- from Jealousy of the named path

If you take the time to read bloggers' profiles or "About Me" pages, you'll find a fascinating (& wonderful) hodge-podge of mix-&-match Paganism:

"...a spirit-worker on the margins of Hellenic polytheism, with ties to English, Germanic and Slavic folk traditions as well." -- from A Forest Door

"A Pacific Northwest spaewife practicing hedge witchery, animism, and ancestor worship... a folk magic practitioner with a focus in Scottish witchcraft and folk religion; which itself is a unique combination of Scoto-Scandinavian and Irish influences. As I live in the new world I also incorporate local traditions of ethnobotany and folklore into my practice." -- from The Witch of Forest Grove

" After studying British Trad Craft for a while, I realized what I wanted most was some kind of traditional witchcraft, but one more relevant to my actual home soil.  Currently, I work with several New World magical systems and I’m trying to understand how to be an American witch in the modern age." -- From New World Witchery

Of course, I could copy & paste until dawn, but you get the point. There is an abundance of "freestyle Pagans" (to borrow a term twice-borrowed already) out there who are just doing what works (for them) -- I just didn't know it. I find this comforting after experiencing a protracted pressure (whether real or imagined) to provide a label with "legitimacy." Somehow, I feel I just came home.

So fine then. Sciento-Pagan: labeled, legit.

I have a great deal to say about it.

Moma & Amanita muscaria. Just a couple of In-Betweens.

Sorting out Samhain, Part 1: Children

This year I am struggling with Samhain -- what is means to me, how it should be celebrated (or not celebrated), how it fits into my world view, how it brings with it my fortieth birthday...

Today I came across this post by a Heathen mother of two: Parenting: Making Faith Choices for Our Children. While I personally prefer not to use to use the word "faith" (for very specific semantic reasons), the article & its topic was perfect for helping me put my thoughts together for the "parenting" piece of the Samhain puzzle. Her discussion begins like so:

"Friday Morning I had a series of tweets back and forth with someone that has gotten me thinking. The idea was put forth that raising children in the Pagan faith is wrong because it is forcing faith on them...
To me my faith is entirely about community and to isolate my children from this is completely wrong. Heathenry is a pretty down earth practice, it’s a faith of community, family and relationships at it’s heart..." 

I cast my comment into the already well filled list of responses. It looked, to some degree, like this:

Yesterday I helped lead a co-created Samhain ritual & celebration which was designed for & worked by the children. I think most Pagan parents grapple with whether or not, or how much to expose of their religion to their children. I do. This is fair, especially since so many Pagans came from an upbringing where they felt religion was forced upon them. Of course, there is also the concern over what social complications it might create for them.

However, I think we need to ask ourselves: If we do not share our religion with our children, will ours forever be a religion of converts? If so, are we comfortable with that?

Children are community too. There is a richness of tradition that can be developed by including the young ones in our observances. I think this can be done delicately, including children when they are amenable & thus maintaining the integrity of our communities as whole, multi-generational organisms. 

At yesterday's event, all the children were offered the opportunity to participate -- some did, some did not. They were all assured their choice was the right one. They were also told they could change their mind at any time.

The focus of our ritual was on the elementals & the changing seasons, not complex concepts of the divine, ancestors or death. It was designed this way to engage them in a concrete celebration of the natural world. This is the angle that I tend to take with my own child (the one who is old enough to be invited to participate), offering him open-ended ideas & observations, leaving him to discover, intuit, determine the rest for himself.
 
Our community is very diverse & includes Asatru/Heathens, Hellenics, Vedics, Druids, Wiccans, Witches, Pantheists, Discordians & many other permutations of Paganism. I am sure that each child's parent/s have differing feelings about how & to what extent to share, or not share religion. As a community with so many diverse paths, we need to focus on values. Shared values.

What we all share in our community is a reverence for our natural world. This is an ethic that we can engender in the children without ambivalence. The values of caring for our planet & being aware of the cycles of nature are basic. I feel we can give this to the children without fear of feeling like proselytisers. It is the role of every parent & community to instill core values -- wouldn't respect for our shared planet qualify among them?

There are ways to engage children, teach them, nurture them, share with them what we value, without preaching or forcing the issue. If we don't teach them, they will get their values somewhere else (i.e., television, the neighbors, peers). Ultimately, the decision of religion is their own to make, but hopefully the core values will remain with them always. If you are opposed to that, you might need to examine the source of your objections. 

May you be true to yourself, your kin & your community. Honor your values as you honor that which you hold most dear. If you look closely, you will see they are one in the same. 

Minor Rant: Publications, Pagans & Poledancers

(This post brought to you by the letter "P.")

I am taking a momentary break from obsessively trying to ID a handful of mushrooms I encountered this past weekend to have a minor rant. Just a little one.

Ever since I read The Wild Hunt article Borders Closure a “Body Blow” to Pagan Publishers I have been thinking about the Barnes & Noble down the street. So, when hubby & I last visited the store, we checked out their periodicals to see what selection of Pagan or 'alternative' spirituality publications they had to offer. 

...Envision me, hands on hips, nodding head, voicing an indignant "Well!" while hubby still searches relentlessly through the titles...

Given the many & diverse 'alternative' selections, I thought we would be in luck. After all, among the glut of publications that filled three walls & a freestanding rack were at least twenty magazines dedicated to tattoos & the tattoo industry, about as many for homesteading, plenty for the cultivation & appreciation of a certain popular but illegal plant, and many other specialized subjects. (Ok, I will acquiesce to tattoos being mainstream nowadays, but do that many people read the magazines?) 

Even with the many specialty rags, we a difficult time locating anything spiritually oriented -- the magazines dedicated to Christianity were sparse too. (But we found them!)

There were also plenty of single issues of magazines dedicated to very narrow subjects like Renaissance fairs, gluten free cooking, funerals, ballet dancers, organic travel & spas, obscure poetry... It was looking promising. So, where were the Pagan mags?

At the bottom of the center wall among a handful of Yoga magazines, we found three journals dedicated to Buddhism. That's it. Not a single non-Buddhist Pagan or similarly spiritually oriented magazine. Not even more general mainstream titles like Spirituality & Health or Gnosis or EnlightenNext made an appearance. 

As if this wasn't frustrating enough, there amid the yoga mags was a high quality, glossy publication dedicated exclusively to pole dancing. Really? Pole dancing? Is there really a greater readership for a pole dancing magazine than there is for an alternative spirituality magazine? I have nothing against people passionate about pole dancing (sorry, couldn't resist the aliteration temptation) -- no, no. In fact, I was in sheer AWE of the talent I saw as I leafed thru the solitary copy of Pole Spin. But seriously, Barnes & Noble estimated that the size of their "Pagan buying audience" is about 10 million.* (Not all of them Pagans, obviously.) So, where are a the magazines guys? 

I'd like to think that all the Pagans in Anchorage beat me to the newsstand & greedily cleared it of any trace of our common publications. It's a nice pipe dream. What I'm really thinking is that they just don't carry them, regardless of their big, fat "Pagan buying audience." Correct me if I am wrong, please. I would like that. 

All this frothing boils down to the fact that I could not direct you to any store in Anchorage (or, let's just say Alaska) where you could purchase a Pagan periodical if you had the inclination or felt the urge. Sad, especially since periodicals offer a dimension books cannot. However, if you are in the market for a really good pole dancing magazine, I know where you can get one.  

 * Chas S. Clifton, Her Hidden Children, 2006

Thoughts While Nursing: Imaginative, but Hardly Imaginary

As I sat nursing & weary of books, I browsed the entries in my MacBook's dictionary. I came upon the following entries & found the distinction between them very meaningful:

imaginative |iˈmaj(ə)nətiv|
adjective
Dictionary: having or showing creativity or inventiveness.
Thesaurus: creative, visionary, inspired, inventive, resourceful, ingenious; original, innovative, innovatory, unorthodox, unconventional.
This is what Paganism is.

imaginary |iˈmajəˌnerē|
adjective
Dictionary: existing only in the imagination; unreal, nonexistent, fictional, fictitious, pretend, make-believe, mythical.
Thesaurus: mythological, fabulous, fanciful, storybook, fantastic; made-up, dreamed-up, invented, concocted, fancied.
This is what Paganism is not.

Critics of modern Paganism seem to miss this distinction, but it is an important one. Pagans participate in a creative, but very real discourse with the divine. For most Pagans, our religion is not based on faith, but on our own direct communication & experiences with divinity (in whatever manner we may understand this concept). We tend to seek out these encounters, building a rich relationship over time. Most Pagans do not read a text, declare that they believe it to be the 'Truth' & then proceed to live their lives with faith in that story of the universe. Instead, we ask the universe itself. We seek portents, signals, hidden meanings. We go forth in search of opportunities to be awestruck, inspired, enlightened. We aim to commune, to be in sympathy with that which we consider sacred. The replies we receive are found in a blustery wind, under a scorching sun, between the fissures in a rock, beneath the surface of a pond, or by the call of a songbird. In this process we use creativity, invention & unorthodox methods, but I maintain that the connections & their results are far from fanciful. Ours is a religion of imaginative action, not of naïvely subscribing to the imaginary. It makes for a life of exaltation & creative engagement. It makes me proud to declare myself among the imaginative.