No one is special.
I am out of sorts & empty, aching for my baby's missing pieces. I have pictures to prove they were once there... Where did they go?
The grappling began as soon as 'George' with the ultrasound wand said, "It's just not where it's supposed to be..." My mind reeled... "What?!?"
I find myself grappling with a world filled with gods, spirits, entities who sometimes just don't care, who sometimes are at cross-purposes with my interests, wants, needs or welfare. I find myself grappling with the belief that these beings just don't regard my wee one, my beloved Changeling, as special. I am grappling with the nature of Nature & no one... no one is special.
I was raised in a staunchly scientific home, so I ask myself, "Which is more difficult, more painful, more frightening to believe -- that there is nothing but the mechanistic workings of a spiritless universe or that divinity has the capacity for indifference?" The answer is hard to swallow. Why did I give up the comfort of disbelief & invite Them into my life, my heart, my psyche?
Today I have been thinking about a painting by the insightful & talented Molly Roberts over at HerSpeak. I think it says it all right about now.
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| She Doesn't Care If You're Special, by Molly Roberts. See her gallery here. |
2 comments:
Sending blessings to you. Your baby still has the other kidney, right? I hope that in the end, everything will be ok, and that you find the gods are not indifferent, after all.
your posts are insightful and thought provoking. I am glad I found your blog.
Aine
http://thehemlockgrove.blogspot.com
Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, he does have the other kidney & the testing showed it works very well. For that, I am very thankful. I think I was just struggling with the imperfection, the risks, the worries. But life is filled with these little (or big) challenges -- motherhood in particular.
I visited your blog & loved it. I am glad you stumbled my way.
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