There's A Monster Living Under My House

There's a monster living under my house & from what I can glean from the sparse, unofficial records, it has been there for five years come this December...

This monster, we call it The Agora. Over the years, it has assumed many forms, many permutations, yet always within a set of permanent dimensions. It has hungrily outstripped many patrons, but still, it persists. 

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I am the Agora's chronically ambivalent caretaker. I am also its greatest skeptic. I will be the first to suggest that we abandon the 'experiment' which never dies even though all reason says it should. Yet, when I look in the mirror, I see the backbone, the lifeblood of this monster. Still, I am not its birth parent, not exactly anyway.

Setup: Gnostic Mass

Who the helvella sets out to make a monster like this? Crazy people. People who are so in love with their gods or their community (or sometimes, their egos) that they are willing to open the doors to something insane & to hold it up while it grows. I know we are not alone. We stand among many -- mostly fallen -- soldiers of the P/pagan dream: space-for-community. Our monster still lives. 

The key, the KEY that most communities fail to recognize, or worse still, fail to embrace, is that there must, there MUST be a revenue stream which relies on outside sources. There must be a business model which humbly accepts that there is very little chance that any random assortment of 'spiritually-minded' humans -- particularly of the naturally rebellious pagan sort -- can or will sustain any financial venture over time. 

The other key is sacrifice.* 

And maybe this is why I am such a doubter -- had I been keeping score all this time I might have found myself less skeptical & more bitter. On the other hand, I was wisely advised long ago never to keep score in relationships.

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I'm not sure what made me need to acknowledge this birthday of the monster here in this journal... to mark, log & make official that-which-hasn't-died. Part of me wanted a party, but the other part of me is pretty sure a party is a sure means to dissolution, a veritable jinx. 

Maybe I needed to recognize this thing because I am working more consciously than ever to find my way into proper balance with it. I need boundaries, it needs boundaries. At times, it has dominated me in ways which have made me resentful & angry. So many times, I have wanted to give it the boot. Yet, the returns have been very rich & unique beyond measure. 

Setting the stage:
chaos Magick.

I always joke about going back into the past to tell one of my former selfs about my role in maintaining a place for pagan & esoteric gatherings -- especially my atheist self. Really, any past self would be pretty incredulous. In retrospect, I think I usually had strong opinions in any given moment, but never really knew where I was going, never consciously planted any seeds, never had any clear sense of direction or planning. And I ended up here, with this incredible monster. 

And so it is, whether it be the result of serendipitious bumbling or the answer to a more potent & pointed calling. Let it be a Happy Birthday to the monster which lives & breathes under this house... may it continue to nourish & sustain our people, & their Spirits so long as they need it. 

*Admittedly, there are several other very necessary "lesser keys," but this is not the place to discuss organizational structure & strategies.

Mycophilia: Perpetrating Pagan Standard Time

Perpetrating Pagan Standard Time:
gathering Lycophyllum decastes,
the "Fried Chicken Mushroom" 

As a principle, I do not approve of "PST" or, what is commonly referred to as "Pagan Standard Time." I think the concept serves to absolve the chronically tardy, disorganized, self-absorbed, irresponsible & generally lazy folk. 

However, I contributed to the delay of the public Mabon ceremonies this past weekend... for the Love of Fungi. 

Guilty as charged & pretty unapologetic, I even included other humans in my bad behavior. Fungi. They own me. 

(I also don't approve of collecting fungi with plastic bags, but that was what was piled up at the ceremony site & that's what you get when you arrive unprepared. Makes me wonder though, all those people there to do some "Earth worship" with their plastic grocery bags...) 

Outhouse. A Pagan one, no less.

This is pretty far outside my normal scope of posting, but the story hit my irony buttons in a variety of ways.

And for those of you who were wondering about the state of affaires out on "The Land" where the fire wiped out our Summer Solstice Festival site, this will paint a pretty clear picture:

To read the full article, visit: KTUU One thing left standing after Willow wildfire: an outhouse

EDIT:  I found an old photo from inside the women's outhouse which unfortunately didn't survive... also ironic. 

Room with a view:
Former Women's Outhouse door from PCC-AK.

Smiteful Elementals. Or, We're On Fire Up Here. No, Really. Or, Magick Sucks Sometimes.

Elementals. Impersonal, unruly.
I have mentioned it before, but obviously, the scale was quite different. 

This place is on fire.

AICC Active fire map, June 17 2015.
Currently there are 52 active wildfires burning in the state of Alaska.

And while I say impersonal, it feels personal in an I-cannot-quite-put-my finger-on-it sort of way. 
And I am sure it feels very personal to all the mushers out there who have lost "everything."

Every. 
Thing. 

I am reminded here that while the fires have lain waste to "everything," they have caused few injuries or casualties thus far, at least for humans & their closest companions. But my heart aches for the sled dogs who perished & their people who lost them to the Sockeye fire.

And no, I have not forgotten the wildlife. But that is a hopeless rabbit hole of despair I choose to avoid.

And this fire -- the Sockeye in particular -- it is most ironic. (Iconic too, but the media has that point covered.) And, regrettably personal.

Let us look more closely. The main fire map looks like this:

Detailed Map of Sockeye Fire #282
from Alaska Wildfire Information

But let us examine section A, milepost 77, the starting point for the fire:

Map of Sockeye Fire #282, Section A
from Alaska Wildfire Information.

The fire was named "Sockeye" for the road on which the ignition point is located (see map). But notice that Sockeye Road gives access to a road called Landlocked... This road (ironically) named Landlocked is the address of our community retreat center... The home of the annual Summer Solstice festival.

Entrance sign for the PCC-AK.
Image courtesy PCC-AK website. 

And, ironically or not, our Fire Tribe (a fire magick & safety crew) was making final preparations at the PCC-AK, also called "The Land," when the fire began (likely the result of neighbors with fireworks). Our folks made the second call to report the fire. They were also very fortunate to escape, because as the name of the road implies, they were "Landlocked" behind the ignition point. 

And so, while last Solstice looked like this:

Dancing around the fire, Solstice 2014.
Note the red suspenders, a designation of Fire Tribe,
safety on active duty.

This year, it likely will look more like this:

Sockeye Fire. Image credit: Marc Lester/ADN

And I cannot help but wonder at all the energy behind this. Energy on many, many levels. So many levels -- from global fossil fuel energy, to the relentless heat of this Midsummer Sun, to the fever of recent interpersonal tensions. 

And this leaves me at this text I received after the fire erupted from a shrewd friend of very like mind:

"Magick sucks sometimes."

Indeed, brother.
Ignition was imminent.

Minor Rant: That Big Umbrella & the Confusion It Brings...

Community Mandala: Many individual visions manifesting
(Within distinct boundaries -- not a picture of reality)

I haven't had a good major rant in a long time, but after expressing my irritation to a friend/mentor, she suggested that I consider not expending too much energy pointing out what I do not like as it gives those things more power, draws attention to them & strengthens them all the while wasting my own energy...

Hence, the minor rant.

I signed on to help recruit speakers for, let's call it, a "spiritual symposium." I made a whole bunch of assumptions about what symposium means. I also made a great many assumptions about what "spirituality" & "religion" mean. I really thought I had a grasp of what I needed to do & I became excited, perhaps overly so, about helping make this event happen. I aimed for passion, experience, expertise & diversity. Among the presenters I had approached &/or secured were: 

• A Sifu/Qi Gong & Kung Fu Master, to discuss some of the basics of Qi Gong energy work
• A Master Shibari Artist, to speak about the magickal use of fiber art throughout history
• A Hellenic Devotional Polytheist & published author, to discuss the basics of the Greco-Roman pantheons & modern Hellenic practice
• A Hedgewitch/Herbalist, to present local wortcunning information & demonstrate making tinctures & salves
• A Goddess-centric UU Minister & seasoned women's circle leader, to speak about Modern Goddess worship
• A Wiccan Priestess, to present an introduction to Faery Magick
• The Bodymaster for the local O.T.O. encampment, to give an introduction to the O.T.O. and the A∴A∴: & their relationship to/role in the history of Thelema
• A modern shamanic practitioner & Reiki therapist, to provide instruction about basic meditation or journey work...

And there were several more, but I am going to stop before I get disgusted to this becomes a major rant because all this was ultimately rejected by the event Organizer because:

• "People" (whoever these "people" are) are not interested in learning about things that they don't already recognize & know something about
• "People" also find the "theoretical" topics & lectures (i.e., the spiritual & esoteric subjects) boring or perhaps even intimidating & therefore will not attend an event with too much "intellectual" content
• These same "people" do not have the attention span to tolerate any presentation that approaches or exceeds an hour in length
• And "people" are not interested in lectures anyways, they "want to make stuff they can take home & put on their altars" or really, just anything they can make...

Along with all this was the redundant, tiresome assumption that anything about "green living" = pagan. And, that all people who identify as "pagan" have "altars" they like to fill with stuff.

Since I do not have an altar (there are some assumptions there I don't think I need to point out), I am not into just making (or buying, collecting, accumulating, etc. which is one of my ways of "being green") stuff for the sake of having stuff & I was pointedly accused of being "more intellectual" than the "people," I had to (graciously) withdraw myself from the project (ironically, I had already completed my part which was presenter recruitment) & cancel all but two of the presenters above. 

I had to excuse myself anyway because somewhere in the last meeting I cast aside my muzzle & shared my opinion.

Which made for some awkward moments.

And a follow up apology.

But, such is the Catch 22 of the big "umbrella" where we have people who identify as some form of "neo-pagan" or alternative spirituality, revival religion, or Earth-based whatever... The spectrum is then cast from the Earth-worshipping Eco-hippie, to the Daoist/Vedic/Heathen/Celtic/You-Name-It Druid, to the secretive Trad-Witch, to the most narrowly particular of devotional polytheists to far-flung neo-shaman, to the most eclectic CUUPS member, to the "Crafty Craft-ers" who get their spirit on making crocheted Cthulhu dolls. Oh, & there is everything in-between & un-decided.

And usually I revel in the diversity. But this week, not so much.

Or, maybe it's that I don't appreciate it when other folks cannot appreciate it.

And make assumptions.

Which, admittedly, I did too. But at least I feel good in making my assumptions on the side of diversity, education and not grossly underestimating the "people."

And I could whine about all the wasted time & effort that took me away from more important things (like writing!), but I won't because I received some valuable instruction on the troublesome habit of assuming. (I never seem to nail that one.)

And I could now go on & on about people who thump on their "green bibles" yet drive the largest vehicles on the American market (with no commercial or practical reason for that size rig) or people who think pagan = Wicca or that magick is only effective if performed "their way," or those who never want to get deeper than the "tools," or, or, or...

But I won't.

Because, as I said, this is a minor rant. 

Public Animas Ceremony Part 4a: Trust Your People: The Costumer

Continued lessons from the Public Animas Ceremony: An Invitation to Passion.

Our Angel of a seamstress. A rare photo taken at a PBG (Brewer's Guild) gathering.
She looked like this for months, regardless of what shenanigans
were perpetrated in her midst, she doggedly seamed, adjusted, altered.

If The Vision is true, it will find the right people. Trust them.

Three people contributed needful infrastructure to this ceremony; the costumer, the choreographer & the Magus/DJ. First, the costumer. 

I began very early with the costuming for the ceremonial Officiants because I knew that constructing any kind of clothing takes time, especially something out of the ordinary, something that comes from the vision of a needlework artist.

I also had set a goal not to allow this event to to become a financial bloodletting -- a condition which has afflicted our community unnecessarily over the past few years. Starting early allows decisions to be made carefully, thoughtfully & also gives ample time to scout for the best pricing. Her words to me after we spent under $100 on notions, fabric & fusing to costume the five Officiants was, "We positively stole that fabric..." And we did.

And after we found her a lovely, unused, adjustable dress form for only $40 thanks to local internet listings, we of course knew, this thing was charmed.

Of course, ultimately, we ended up with subtle differences & the costs inevitably adjusted accordingly.

Aesthetic influence: Mermaid Skirt, 
 Erte Inspired with Side Train in Silver
by Chovihani, Etsy.

Part of The Vision's aesthetic was influenced by Erté, in particular, an Erté inspired ensemble with a slightly Greco-Roman feel & a mermaid skirt. I am crazy about Erté. I feel his designs & artwork bear a magical subtlety which penetrates the subconscious -- often because what he designed appears simple through the clean lines of his artistic rendering, but in actuality, they are often nearly impossible to execute in reality. 

Our Angel discovered the same after she had settled on this mermaid skirt costume for the central Officiant & drafted some truly lovely, mirror-image Erté designs for the two Officiants on the ends: 

Angel's original Erté inspired designs for Officiants.

Several months into the preparations, she sent me a message stating that she struggled long enough to make this design happen & it simply was not practicable, at least not with our cotton poplin. She needed to conjure a new design. Enter the subtle differences.

She settled on an infinity dress design, in a new fabric, which worked out even better really because its versatility will allow the Officiants to use the dresses in the future again & again. Subtle, fortuitous differences.

And for the men, something that just worked beautifully from the beginning.

Men's Officiant design (plus center Officiant ensemble).

What is the significance of costuming? Why is it worth the effort? I can only speak from my own experiences, but I find that when humans put forth the effort to present a well-rounded aesthetic, ritual & ceremony have more psycho-spiritual impact. Aesthetic introduces an element of surprise & evokes a sense of otherworldliness. It also expresses a sense of value -- value for what you have created together, value for what you are presenting to your fellow humans, your spirits, your deities, your tribe. Ceremony is Sacred Theatre, dressing the part is natural procedure.

Chaos in Costume. Animas Officiants doing something...
(Certainly not the best photo, but great angles on attire.
Photo credit: Papa Faunus

This is why the magick of a visionary costumer is so essential & why trusting them is a necessity. The ceremony would not have had the same atmosphere without her ideas, efforts, limitless patience & talent. Purchasing pre-made costuming would not have contributed the energy, the passion that these hand made garments brought to the ceremony. Everything Angel gave to this project was imbued in these garments -- her energy-steeped creations charged the Officiants & the event as a whole. She made this ceremony what it was, without her, it would have been something noticeably different. For this, she has our deepest gratitude.

If The Vision is true, it will find the right people. Trust them.

And make sure they know they are valued.

Thank you Angel. Thank you.

Public Animas Ceremony Part 3: Communicating & Manifesting The Vision (Even Without the Written Word)

More lessons from the Public Animas Ceremony.

Resh K'eljesh in Stick Figures:
A Bad Sketch to communicate a Splendid Vision
by Moma Fauna

When you don't have the words, draw it.

Even if it looks ridiculous.

Because some things desperately need to be communicated and the people who need to know will understand.

And if The Vision is true, your magick will be true & The Vision will be made manifest.

Resh K'eljesh in the flesh.
Photo credit HPS CC.

Perhaps with some subtle differences...

Animas Ceremony Officiants in Stick Figures:
A Bad Sketch to communicate a Splendid Vision
by Moma Fauna

Animas Ceremony Officiants in the flesh.
Photo credit Papa Faunus.

And if you draw a great many pictures...

 

Here and above, Animas Ceremony Officiant's
gestures # 1-17.

...you cannot help but manifest. 

Oh, how I adore magick.

Animas Ceremony Officiants: Gesture #18 --
just one of those subtle differences.
Note the rainbow -- also a subtle & very welcome difference.
Photo Credit: PCC-AK FB.

Public Animas Ceremony Part 2: Having A Vision

Watercolour by Alica Wolter Hausser
Photo: MomaFauna

"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Perched on the bed across from my beloved I tried to verbalize something beyond description,

"It's not really about the dance or the ceremony, it's bigger than that. Something is happening with me & I don't know exactly what it is, but it's much larger & more complex than I can explain." 

"I know."

"You do? What makes you say that?"

"I would never have taken you for a person who would put herself out there like this, dancing before an audience, organizing something like this…"

"True… before, I would never do this sort of thing... what is with that? And  I am doing this crazy thing & with little to no worries…"

Every rite, ritual or ceremony must begin with a Vision. Unless it doesn't. 

It is difficult to pinpoint when this great undertaking, this transformative journey was first birthed. I recall feeling inspired by a Samhain social event hosted by a large Anchorage-based organization, Wiccans of Alaska (WoA) -- The 1st Annual Witches Ball. It was not so much that this event was earthshaking in any particular way, except that strangely, unexpectedly, many of us perceived it to be more potent, more fruitful & nourishing to our community than countless other rites and rituals gone by.  After much mulling & conversation, it eventually became clear to me that what that four hour evening of dining, drinking & dancing really provided was Joy. Pure, uncomplicated Joy & fellowship, the likes of which so many humans find themselves chronically shortchanged.

I don't do public ritual work, unless I have to because someone or Someone asked me specifically & I feel the need to Facilitate-Their-Bliss. As I told the husband, I don't know how this happened & in order to avoid displaying just how poorly I remember things these days, I will simply say that something happened after Samhain & somehow I conjured, heard, formulated, captured, accepted, stumbled upon... a Vision.

A Vision that would not accept "No."

And somehow, I convinced nine extraordinary people to sign on to this Vision. Then I convinced an extraordinary choreographer, dj-magus, costumer & a collection of extraordinary artists to collude with us... Perhaps not in that exact order, but as I mentioned, I cannot remember.

And the sheer insanity of it all was that I had only fleeting sensation of doubt which occurred only moments before the rodeo commenced when I found myself herding cats... & those doubts rested firmly with the audience, not with our crew or what we were poised to offer... This thing was charmed.

The ceremony, at it's core, was an offering -- an epic offering. Like a set of nesting dolls, it housed many lesser offerings, all of it, for the Spirits & our community. It was a gift intended to invite, inspire & transform, thereby giving ad infinitum... The entire process of bringing this thing to fruition was also an offering & required a series of sacrifices from the lot of us. Perhaps I am offering obsessed. Or perhaps it is That-which-drives-me which has such predilections. Either way, it works. 

This animist ceremony was in large part, for humans, by humans -- a nourishing, nurturing Animas Ceremony. We humans need respect & relationship too.

Interestingly, I never put this Vision into written words until the Pagan Community Center - Willow Director requested a synopsis for the PCC Summer Solstice Festival website. Ostensibly, that is what follows -- A Vision, in synopsis, which demands an extensive unraveling to be truly understood.

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Summer Solstice Animas Ceremony & Ecstatic Dance Event: An Invitation to Passion

Hosted by the Resh K'eljesh sacred dance troupe and Moma Fauna, animist-at-large.

Our formal, "New Animist" styled presentation of offerings and invitation will begin with a poetic invocation of Passion and the spirits thereof, followed by an expressive evocation of Passion through sacred dance.

Amidst abundant offerings both allegorical and romantic, you will be drawn to join us in free-form movement and trance inspired by a musical collage uniquely crafted by DJ and acoustical magus Gabriel.

Participants will also find additional opportunities to consort with their muses through written expression and a variety of visual arts.

We hope you delight in this experience and find it both inspirational and transformative. This is our gift to you, our community and to the spirits that accompany us on our journey.

A silent auction featuring specially crafted sacred art ceremonial offering bowls will offer you an opportunity to take home a beautiful commemorative piece from this special event and your purchase will help us produce future ceremonial events like this.

~ Resh K'eljesh

Public Animas Ceremony Part I: Breaking in the Bellwether

New Animist Bellwether. Summer Solstice 2014 incarnation.

"Unlike the common use of bells to mark commencement of a rite to group members, the Bellwether is used for extra-group communication... what I feel is a natural desire to draw attention to our entrance, arrival, availability, affability & interest in communicating with, celebrating, honouring, etc., the other-than-human world... the Bellwether's principal function in this formula is not to announce the arrival of the herd, but rather to express our awareness & availability. It indicates that we are initiating & entering a unique occasion. It says, 'Please pardon us. We know You know we're here. But today, we're not just passing through, absentmindedly doing our people-things. Today, we are here for You. Care to join us?'"  -- Moma Fauna, Doodling in Class: "The Animist's Bellwether"

Here I begin the epic chronicling of our first public "Animas Ceremony." (An Invitation to Passion) I gave it that name after a slight error of words in an email enquiry I received (a substitution of animas for animist) -- a fortuitous & lovely error. "Animas" or "soul" a "Soul Ceremony." Yes.

This was a gift to our community, driven & inspired by influences unseen. And so, after more than six months of practice, preparation & participation, the ceremony erupted from the forests of Alaska with echoes of joy & passion & the yearnings for the possibilities thereof...

A New Animist & her Bellwether.
(Moma Fauna herding cats.)

I begin with the Bellwether because it is the signal, the symbol of the forefront, the beginning, the sign of Commencement. In the process of preparing it, I recognized that the Bellwether, like other ceremonial participants, is not static. Thus, it will receive new dressings as the occasion indicates.

On this inaugural occasion, the Bellwether taught me something -- an irony of sorts. The irony of the Bellwether, or perhaps it is not so ironic but rather predictable in a human world, is that it's function may be more truly as a tool for "the leading of sheep of a flock" or, in our case, the herding of cats than as a communication device for the other-than-human world. But that is just fine really. Perhaps its function is as fluid as it's appearance, changing to suit the needs of the moment.


So it is with these things. We cannot know until we take the leap to know them.